I likey Me

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?

Yes and no.

I'm definitely the kind of person who would rather let go of my opinions and time in order to make someone else happy. That' just how I am. I'm happier when other people are happier, and so my logic is I should do what makes them happy.

I also feel like I think more about other people than the average person.

Plus there's the argument that I know "everything." While I highly doubt this is true and often argue against it, having a friend who knows everything, or can at least figure something out, has probably got to be rather cool.

However, I'm also kind of boring. As in, I'm cool with just sitting and watching a movie or talking. I mean, going out to parties and hanging with tons of people is also fun, but I'm no longer the person to make these grand ol' plans, and I think that might irritate people sometimes.

But, I LIKE ME!

Tangents can be cool

22. Why are you, you?

First of all, I would like to announce that this is one of the biggest cases of Deja Vu I have ever EVER experienced. Because earlier I came to my room, and after waiting on someone to come get me for an hour, realized they probably weren't. But I also realized, I didn't care, even though I should since my friend had literally just blown me off. But I didn't care because I wanted to be alone for awhile and just read. or watch tv. or not have to be around someone else. And then I was like, huh. THAT'S weird. But then I thought about it, and realized that's how a lot of this semester is going. While I love hanging out with people, I often times find myself wanting nothing more than to go back to my little room and lay on my bed and read. Which made me go, I wonder when that happened! And then I was like, I feel like this is one of those questions to free your mind thing and I don't feel like thinking about it right now.

And boom. Here we go.

So anyway. First of all, a lot of who I am stems from high school marching band/ being in band at all. That program and those kids seriously did a lot of shaping on me. It made me outgoing, and if possible, more crazy. It also showed me that even when bad things happen or girls hated me, I still had the greatest friends I could ask for.

Beyond that, my church has, in a weird way, shaped me. Despite the fact that I am not a regular attendee of my old church because I now go to school 3 hours away, it has definitely helped make me who I am. Honestly, I love that church. But I hate the congregation (well mostly). The pastors ROCK. The sermons are AWESOME. I love the set up of the services, I love how our church building and grown and matured, I love our colors, I love our programs, I love that our sermons are now online, and I LOVE OUR MUSIC. Our music director is SERIOUSLY amazing and he puts some good stuff together. That being said, the people that attend the church and the exclusion they exude makes my stomach hurt. There is so much good that comes out of that place, and yet so much bad that makes it up. A lot of the people that go there are pretty well off. They live in a rich city and huge house and make lots of money, so they have this air of being better than others, which is their even at church. When you're a little kid, you don't notice it as much. But as I got older, I hated going to youth group and didn't like talking to other kids at the church because they weren't that nice.

To get to my point, I feel like this kind of attitude of not being very welcoming has made me open my eyes and realize what I was missing. I HATE it when people turn their noses on someone just because they are a different faith or have different values. I HATE it when I hear people diss christianity because of a bad experience of not being accepting. I love Christ, and I love Christianity, but it hurts me to see the kind of people that inhabit his church and the lies they breathe. As a Christian, you are to accept and love your neighbor, not beat him down.

*sigh* sorry. That gets me worked up. Anyway my church has allowed me to become more open minded and not so quick to judge. At least I hope it has.

Beyond that, I was a totally different person my freshman year than I am this year. Now, I am much more apt to just go to my room on a Friday night and do homework than call someone up and go do something. I think this may stem from that fact that this summer, a vast majority of my friends (including my bf) were gone or working way way lots everyday or just busy with someone else. So I WAS left to my own devices most of the summer. At first i really hated it. But I'm realizing now that that's what I became comfortable with. I realized I was beginning to like myself more and more, which I never could have said before. Spending so much time just with myself allowed me to take a step back and realize I actually am a pretty cool dude.

Anyway. that was long. But it made me feel good about myself.

I Be Smart One Day

21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

Worried genius. Having conversations with people who have few brain cells is painful. Plus as a genius, you should be able to come up with ways to become unworried right???!????

I think it would be cool to be a genius too. Oh wait. Ha.

Don't Push MY Buttons

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

you know i just read an article about this. something about our conditioning from using the internet and how it's changed since we started using it more. but they compared it to how people push the elevator button more than once even though it actually doesn't do anything, but when the elevator doors open, we are conditioned to think our extra button pushing helped that to happen, even though they would have opened at the same exact time had we only pushed the button once.

anyway. i only push it more than once when i'm super hyper. or i have to pee.

Reaching for the stars.

19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

California.

Cuz the girls are unforgettable.

Seriously though prolly north carolina. it's pretty. there's big cities, close by beaches, is affordable to live there, they have a decent school system, you're on the east coast so all the tv shows are an hour earlier, giving you time to go to sleep at night...

As far as country? I wouldn't mind living in Ireland. Despite the fact it's bankrupt. There's enough beautiful men I wouldn't pay much attention to that.

All Hands On Deck

18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

ppppppfffffffffft. can't decide. I'm not sure if I'm just tired of this and want a break or if it would be truly better for me to let it go. I've tried a few times stepping back and figuring it out but haven't been able to do that with much success yet.

i guess another thing i should probably kick is my holding on to perceptions of people- not letting them change either for the good or for the bad. I feel like I'm guilty of having one set image of someone in my mind and then not allowing that image to change at all, which causes many many conflicts...

I beseech you!

17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?

Sky diving.

The possibility of death. And crapping my pants from fear.

Seriously.

Also, I would really like to become someone people treat as an actual friend rather than just a nice girl that they really like. the difference is the friend gets someone to hang out with and the really nice girl sits alone in her room most nights.

I'd say the biggest obstacle in that is other people's perceptions of me. which I don't really have the power to change. BUMMER.