22. Why are you, you?First of all, I would like to announce that this is one of the biggest cases of Deja Vu I have ever EVER experienced. Because earlier I came to my room, and after waiting on someone to come get me for an hour, realized they probably weren't. But I also realized, I didn't care, even though I should since my friend had literally just blown me off. But I didn't care because I wanted to be alone for awhile and just read. or watch tv. or not have to be around someone else. And then I was like, huh. THAT'S weird. But then I thought about it, and realized that's how a lot of this semester is going. While I love hanging out with people, I often times find myself wanting nothing more than to go back to my little room and lay on my bed and read. Which made me go, I wonder when that happened! And then I was like, I feel like this is one of those questions to free your mind thing and I don't feel like thinking about it right now.
And boom. Here we go.
So anyway. First of all, a lot of who I am stems from high school marching band/ being in band at all. That program and those kids seriously did a lot of shaping on me. It made me outgoing, and if possible, more crazy. It also showed me that even when bad things happen or girls hated me, I still had the greatest friends I could ask for.
Beyond that, my church has, in a weird way, shaped me. Despite the fact that I am not a regular attendee of my old church because I now go to school 3 hours away, it has definitely helped make me who I am. Honestly, I love that church. But I hate the congregation (well mostly). The pastors ROCK. The sermons are AWESOME. I love the set up of the services, I love how our church building and grown and matured, I love our colors, I love our programs, I love that our sermons are now online, and I LOVE OUR MUSIC. Our music director is SERIOUSLY amazing and he puts some good stuff together. That being said, the people that attend the church and the exclusion they exude makes my stomach hurt. There is so much good that comes out of that place, and yet so much bad that makes it up. A lot of the people that go there are pretty well off. They live in a rich city and huge house and make lots of money, so they have this air of being better than others, which is their even at church. When you're a little kid, you don't notice it as much. But as I got older, I hated going to youth group and didn't like talking to other kids at the church because they weren't that nice.
To get to my point, I feel like this kind of attitude of not being very welcoming has made me open my eyes and realize what I was missing. I HATE it when people turn their noses on someone just because they are a different faith or have different values. I HATE it when I hear people diss christianity because of a bad experience of not being accepting. I love Christ, and I love Christianity, but it hurts me to see the kind of people that inhabit his church and the lies they breathe. As a Christian, you are to accept and love your neighbor, not beat him down.
*sigh* sorry. That gets me worked up. Anyway my church has allowed me to become more open minded and not so quick to judge. At least I hope it has.
Beyond that, I was a totally different person my freshman year than I am this year. Now, I am much more apt to just go to my room on a Friday night and do homework than call someone up and go do something. I think this may stem from that fact that this summer, a vast majority of my friends (including my bf) were gone or working way way lots everyday or just busy with someone else. So I WAS left to my own devices most of the summer. At first i really hated it. But I'm realizing now that that's what I became comfortable with. I realized I was beginning to like myself more and more, which I never could have said before. Spending so much time just with myself allowed me to take a step back and realize I actually am a pretty cool dude.
Anyway. that was long. But it made me feel good about myself.
